By Mabel Iam, www.mabeliam.com

When you’re having a conversation with someone, you, as well as the other person, are both transmitting thousands of messages and signals to each other through your bodies.

We first used non-verbal language when we didn’t have the vocabulary to talk to our parents, or when we didn’t speak a foreign language and needed to communicate. Since this mode of communication is the most primitive, our gestures, postures and movements reveal our emotional state, and reflect the way we relate to the world. To effectively seduce someone, it’s very important to bring into harmonious balance “what you say,” “what you feel,” and “what you communicate.” Bringing these three factors into balance greatly increases the likelihood of success. There are some secrets to becoming highly aware of body language, either of your own or someone else’s, so you can use it most effectively. Here are some hints:

Downcast eyes: When we are talking to someone and we know that they are hiding something, they tend to look down at the ground. A corollary gesture, placing one hand on the opposite arm, indicates a lack of confidence, rather than rejection. Sometimes insecure people use this gesture in an attempt to put themselves at ease.

Not making eye contact during a conversation: this can indicate shyness, or it could mean that the person doesn’t trust what we’re saying.

Looking away before speaking: This shows that the person will offer a carefully considered response. Although this is a very subtle gesture, it’s easy to interpret messages this person sends.

Playing with hair: Many women have a habit of playing with their hair, twisting it or touching it, when they are faced with a person they like. This is a flirtatious gesture, but it can also indicate insecurity and a fear of engaging in conversation.

Crossed arms: this posture indicates a critical, unreceptive, defensive attitude.

Head movements: these gestures communicate different things, according to their rhythm. For example, when someone is speaking and we agree with what they say, in general, we nod our head rapidly, since we are interested in what they are saying. Affirmative movements of the head indicate different things, according to their rhythm. When the nods are rapid, this means, “I understand, please go on.” Tilting the head is another clue that we can interpret in various ways. Tilting the head slightly forward and to one side means, “I’m listening.” And when the head tilt is accompanied by a smile and eye contact, this produces even greater feelings of empathy, and the chances of gaining cooperation are greater.

In contrast, when we don’t agree with what is being expressed, we tend to move our heads slowly from side to side as they speak, as if to negate them. Resting the head on a hand, or looking down at the ground indicates boredom, exhaustion or lack of interest in the other person.

Crossing the legs and shaking a foot: We tend to do this when we’re bored; we may be shaking a foot or rotating an ankle without even realizing we’re doing it.

Shaking a leg: Shaking a leg in a constant, mechanical way when we’re sitting down, either while we’re speaking or listening to someone else, can be an expression of discomfort. It also indicates a desire to leave that particular situation or environment as soon as possible.

Gestures of superiority: Leaning back in a chair, interrupting others, or modulating the voice louder than everyone else’s in a particular group are all an attempt to demonstrate superiority.

Pursing the lips: This can indicate that the person has doubts or doesn’t quite believe what the other person is saying. It can also indicate a reluctance to speak honestly. People who make this gesture are definitely not fully expressing what they are thinking or feeling.

Signs of sexual repression: touching parts of the body can be a way of comforting oneself or an attempt to relax in a stressful situation, like massaging the back of the neck, or running fingers through hair. Licking one’s lips or chewing on an object, like a pen, indicates a certain level of sexual repression, especially when this behavior is engaged in very frequently. It could also be an attempt to be seen as sexy, depending on the overall attitude of the person doing it. Other gestures that indicate certain nervousness or a repression of sexual desires are moving the feet or fingers restlessly, playing with objects, loosening articles of clothing, etc.

Signs of hostility: Some indications of hostility are stomping feet or kicking an object; frowning, or biting the lips.

While you’re trying to send specific messages through your body language, you must try to be very relaxed. If you’re tense, the receiver will pick up on that.

And being relaxed will help you to better read the signals the target of your seduction is sending. The most important thing is to be aware of the messages you are transmitting with every movement, expression and gesture. Maybe the object of your affections has read The Love Diet, my book, too and is well-versed in the art of seduction!

 Mabel Iam made it to the Celebrity Authors List with the publication of her first book in English, Sex and the Perfect Lover ( 2004), and has remained there on account of the successful and renowned “The Love Diet®”.