by Maureen Perideaux

Having gone through a divorce, I realize that no one really wants a divorce but sometimes it becomes necessary. Even when it’s the right thing to do it’s a hard road. Here’s a bit of my story that I hope will be of help a woman who is going through the same thing.

With no kids, I thought the process would be quick and relatively smooth. Au contraire! Fortunately, I received some good advice from my sister who works as a paralegal. When it became clear my marriage was disintegrating, she told me to make copies of all personal and legal documents. And, make multiple copies.

I made three of everything. One set for myself (should I have to pick up and leave unexpectedly), one set for safekeeping at another location (such as safe-deposit box or with a very trusted friend), and a set that I would later give to my attorney.

Documents big sis said divorcing women need are:

• Driver’s licenses, his and yours
• Most recent statements for his, yours and joint:
• bank accounts (savings, checking, money market, CDs)
• investment accounts
• credit cards
• other debt (auto, student loans, etc.)
• retirement accounts
• Mortgage documents
• Property titles
• Legal property descriptions (from mortgage papers or tax bills)
• Home equity loans/lines of credit
• Auto titles
• Recent pay stubs, his and yours
• Tax returns and W-2s from last two years
• Stock options
• Insurance policies
• Wills
• If you have children, their birth certificates

You may not need all of these documents for your actual legal proceedings. However, at some point you will have to update things such insurance policies. It saves a lot of time if you can easily locate information like customer service and policy numbers. Also, items such as tax returns and wills document assets you may have overlooked.

Another plus of going through the hassle of making all these copies is that it will save on your legal expenses. With this info at his or her fingertips, your attorney will not have to spend time researching it.

Organize your documents any way you find easiest to use – three-ring binder, file folders, accordion files. It really doesn’t matter as long as you gather the information you need. I used a three-ring binder and colored Post-its to label each section. Green for income and taxes, purple for property documents – you get the idea.

Yes, it took hours to gather and copy these documents. Fortunately I had a copier in my home office. But even if I would have taken them to Kinko’s, it would have been worth the effort. Multiply your time by your attorney’s billing rate and you can see the savings.

There were other benefits of this copying marathon, too. It gave me a sense of control over at least one part of my life which was spiraling out of control. It gave me a concrete look at exactly what our assets and liabilities were. These documents became the basis of spreadsheets used by me and my attorney to argue for a fair settlement. In the end, I believe I got a fair settlement in large part because I was armed with information and my attorney was able to negotiate with real numbers.

My divorce was final last December and recently my sister returned the set of copies she kept for me. I’m glad I didn’t have to access them but it was nice to know that even if something had happened to my copies there was a backup set. Now it’s time to turn on the shredder!

Article by Montserrat   -  Photo by Luis Sierra
I am a firm believer that you should steer life and not let life steer you.  This is why “safe zones” should be revisited once in a while and renamed as “danger zones”.  Now, don’t get me wrong, safe zones are nice.  They are a breath of fresh air or a nice warm bath, unfortunately, our skin gets tired of “fresh” air when it starts getting too cold, or, to the contrary, your skin starts to wrinkle under the over exposure to warm water.  My point is, we need to be open to change.  Based on this I decided to modify my future, whatever that was, and do a career change.  Scary, right? It gets better, trust me.

A few months ago I was researching schools in the area.  I am at a point in my life where I want to decide towards my happiness internally and not let external influences completely decide for me.  One of the school advisors asked me the question that titles this blurb; “What do you want from life?”  Now, keep in mind that the advisor was reading from a list of scripted questions she needed me to answer in order to assess who I was and what program suited me best.  Before I could think of what to say, (as we all tend to do in situations like this), I blurted out; “experiences”.

Without even thinking I had pulled her from her automated interview and she stared blankly into my eyes, as if I was from a different planet.  “Interesting,” she said.  The rest of the interview was completely uninteresting so I’m not even going to bother with details.  Where I want to take you is that in these “interesting” times we tend to oversee and forget about our experiences.

For example, I love to jog.  It gives me privacy, keeps me healthy, clears my mind and brings me peace.  There is an adorable wildlife sanctuary close to my home. In this hidden paradise endangered species, which might have been injured or may have no means of fending for themselves, are protected, nourished and brought to health, and if possible, released into the wild again.  I plug in my headphones with my ancient music player filled with my favorite music.  I pump up the volume and go.  I run around the 5 miles of trails with a wide variety of sights, ranging from thick forests to wetlands, across small ponds where ducks, geese, and swans stare at me blankly while gliding over the waters.  Sometimes you will get to see deer running from you, jumping highly above the bushes and you cannot avoid being awed about how swift and poetic their galloping is.  I even stop in my tracks running in place while I respectfully wait for a turtle to cross the path.  

During that precious hour there are no gas prices, no economy issues, no human rights transgressions, no primary candidates, no crime, abuse, pain. There is absolutely nothing but me, nature and music.  And these elements, for 60 minutes, encompass what I like to call an “experience”.

Even as I write I am breathless because I can close my eyes and transport myself into this haven.

“Experience”. Women, Latinas, Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, I call onto you to Live.  These “experiences” will be sketched in your memories for years to come.  And these “experiences” will not be taken away from you.  Yes, there are problems, and there is work, and there are families and friends and jobs to tend to.  But it only takes one; simple, even short, to give you infinite moments of personal smiles for the soul.  It might be difficult, but trust me, it is not impossible to achieve “experiences”.

All right, I have shared an experience with you.  Now I want you to share experiences with others.  Click on the little “comment” button below and tell me about your most cherished experience.  Tell me about childbirth, establishing your new business, going back to college or renewing your life.  All is game; meanwhile, I’ll just sit and wait.

Its summer, a time for picnics, long days at the beach and weddings. For the mujeres whose next journey leads to the altar the Social Security Administration would like you to add one more item to your planning list: The name change.

You should tell Social Security if you legally change your name for any reason. You should also tell your employer. Skipping this important step may:

· Delay your tax refund; and

· Prevent your wages from being posted correctly to your Social Security record, which may lower the amount of your future Social Security benefits.

Changing your name with Social Security can be simple, if you prepare before visiting an office. First, go to www.socialsecurity.gov. You’ll want to read the Application for a Social Security Card (Form SS-5), which you can find at www.socialsecurity.gov/online/ss-5.pdf.

Having the right image can be as important as having the right credentials that's why celebrities spend time and money making sure they "look the part". The Association of Image Consultants International (AICI) is holding its annual conference on Thursday, May 15 through Monday, May 19, 2008 in Tampa, Florida and I was lucky enough to get one of the top presenters to share her expertise on how to find the right career image present and future. Stay tuned!

Lydia came to me last week and said “mom, I have your mother’s day gift! It’s a diamond necklace” she bough it with her own money when she went shopping with her babysitter. It’s the first mother’s day gift I’m getting from my 9 year old daughter and even tough Lydia clarified “…well, they aren’t real diamonds mom but they are shiny and pretty” to me those shiny stones hold the same value as if they where 3 karat diamonds.

Being a single mom is not something I planned to be but things worked out this way because things happen that we don’t plan for. I came to this country leaving behind an abusive husband so that my daughter would not have to live in fear like I did. Lydia was four when we arrived and we both had to adjust to a new life, a new language while still maintaining own identity.

The process of adaptation is much harder for mothers than for children. When you come from another country the cultural shock is very hard. My daughter spoke no English when we arrived, she was four, but a few months later she began speaking English. Of course, it was much harder for me, it took me six years to learn the language but the biggest benefit of this transition is that she is bicultural; she knows what she likes of each world and has a very open mind.

I instill in my daughter the importance of being her own woman, being financially independent so she can always make desicions with her best interest in mind. I teach her that beauty does not buy you independence, I teach her to love who she is and do things she is passionate about. We live in a century where women can be anything they want and don’t really need a man for financial security. The only area that I’ve neglected is religion and teaching her what her religion is about. Time goes by so fast and now that she is nine I want her to be more aware of her spirituality. If we were in my country my mother would have taken on this role but here it is up to me. But I do teach her right from wrong and the moral values that molded me as a child.

Despite all the challenges we face, I look at this amazing little girl in my life and feel honored and inspired to be her mom. She is giving me a ‘diamond’ necklace on Mother’s Day but all the diamonds in the world could not add up the amount of joy she’s brought into my life. This Mother’s Day my wishes go out to all the single moms who are the hero in their child’s life everyday. ¡Feliz día de las madres!