By Cynthia Hernandez Kolski, www.CommunicationEducation.com

A key to success in our business or personal life is Effective Communication Skills. We all want smooth relationships with our family, friends, colleagues, boss, and our community. Effective Communication Skills are essential in making sure that our message is understood clearly. Knowing how to have people understand the meaning of our words minimizes conflict and leads to cooperation.

“No, that’s not what I said!” “No, you misunderstood me.” How many times have you said these words or listened to these words? Most of us have been speaking since before the age of 2. Nevertheless, I come across audiences very frequently, who relate very well to these two sentences.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand and be understood? It could be because the people interacting have different interpretations of their words. Perhaps it is because one or both are not really listening to the words, or maybe it is because one needs to be right. However, that is a different discussion and article!

Communication is defined as the art of exchanging thought, messages, or information through speech, signals or writing. There are many parts associated when we are dissecting our communication skills: verbal, non-verbal, mixed messages, tone, body language, facial expressions, emphasis on words, stance. These all are forms of communication that we give off and people interpret consciously or subconsciously.

I have been asked to share with you a few tested methods and techniques that will guarantee your message is understood the way you want it understood. So, this article will cover one aspect of our communication skills.

Communication exists when you can state another person’s point of view to their satisfaction and that person can state your point of view to your satisfaction.

It is essential to understand what it means to have an effective communication encounter and two, it is important for the parties involved in the conversation, to be interpreting the same definition for their words. It is not necessary for either person to agree, it is only necessary for each to understand.  In Stephen Covey’s book, 7 Habits for Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” He goes on to say that people are more open to listening others when they first feel empathetically understood. If your main goal in your conversation is for acceptance then it would be wise to heed Mr. Covey’s advice.

Listening and asking for clarification can then open a person to hear your words when spoken. This task can be achieved by taking notes when possible or repeating the words back, stating, “Just to make sure I understand what you are saying, or asking for….” I must add that this is all done in a tone that is quiet and non-confrontational. Tone plays a very important part of communication. When someone hears a sharp, reprimand or condemning tone, human natural kicks in and most people close down, meaning they stop hearing your words. When the tone is of concern and sincere, the tendency is that most people will be open to listen.

Learn how your personal message sounds . Is your body language and tone matching your words? And is this the message you want people to hear?

If you are really serious about improving your personal message here are a few techniques that will help you:

1) Tape yourself, both audio and video. By taping yourself, you can easily hear and see where you may want to make a change. Perhaps you interrupt when speaking; perhaps you speak too loud or too softly. Whatever the case, it does not matter at this time; the goal is to improve your communication skills.

2) Ask someone you trust to observe you. This can be difficult, so make sure that the person you ask is someone you respect and will listen to even if the criticism is hard. Remember, YOU are improving yourself!!

3) Role play with someone you admire. The idea of role-playing is to improve your vocabulary and give you other alternatives (answers or a different way to ask a question) to your communication. When you role-play, it is with someone you are comfortable with and it is a good idea to take notes. Do not depend on your memory.

This is the beginning of improving your communication skills. There are many other aspects to having effective communication and I hope to bring them to you in future articles.

Please email me if you have a particular issue and to let me know if this article helped you in any way. I enjoy hearing from you.

About the author: Cynthia is a sought after trainer who’s “hands-on” approach reaches both youths and adults. Her company, Communication Education, designs curricula and in-service trainings, which emphasize the use of empowerment.

“ Sí, Puedo!” is Cynthia's approach to life and believes you can achieve what you want by the choices you make. She has been featured in Conversations on Success, published from Insight Publishing and wrote “ Communicating with Humor” a chapter from Real World Communication Strategies That Work, also from Insight Publishing.

Email: Cynthia@communicationeducation.com